My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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