you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
