if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
