i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
