idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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