I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
