I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
