I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
