careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
