Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I looked at my own cervix.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
