At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
