were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
