The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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