Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize