i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
