im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
