first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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