She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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