Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
