im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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