Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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