he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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