What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
