Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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