Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
