Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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