All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
smell my finger.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
