she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I didn't notice because vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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