just tell him i said nine months
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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