I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
