ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
