Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
