Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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