I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
