what day is it and did you see me today?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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