On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
