Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
