i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
