hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
