At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
