I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
