We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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