there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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