You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
