people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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