this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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