i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
