I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
