I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
