hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
