I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
