he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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