i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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